Do you know that feeling that comes over you when you're writing very quickly on a keyboard, and you find that your brain and your intention and your hands have all somehow found synchronicity and you can type close to the speed of your thought? When you're finally unpacking that impossible text which you've put off for months due to myriad distractions, that synchronicity becomes like a unicorn.
So I cancelled the MoviePass. And the Netflix subscription. And the unlimited data plan on my smartphone. And the Google Drive storage plans. And the Crashplan hard drive auto cloud backup. And my IMDBPro account. And then I quit my job. And then my girlfriend left me (for the third time, this girl. And no, it had nothing to do with me cancelling my Netflix subscription). And then I sat and I looked at a wall.
Fighting against the city is not a good idea. This is clear. You duck, you leave, or you speed up. Forgive the simplicity of that sentiment. It remains true. You actually have to just stand there in the library or the coffeeshop until a table opens up. Don't leave and look for another place, because if you do, you will walk around with the same level of disappointment that you had just experienced, but now it will dominate your day. Acquiescing will rob you of an entire day. Don't leave. Stand there, and wait for one of your fellow assholes to grow weary of hunching over their laptop. They will leave. You will sit. You will win. You will have more fortitude than the subsequent goons to enter the library or coffeeshop. They will leave, disappointed, and they will lose one entire day. But you will sit, and win, and write, and fidget, and hold in your pee, and not move, and then you will have a finished draft which you will send to your old professor or to that one colleague for whom real friendship has proven too elusive, but will sincerely read your manuscript and talk animatedly with you about over a glass of whiskey, watered down by melting ice, at the next party that one of your other outer-net colleagues hosts within the month.
There is no sense to envisioning any future at all unless you take steps to arrive. If you ignore where you are, you will ultimately lose the ability to experience the moments that make up your days. It is akin to religion; ignore what you now have in favor of what you may someday get. Also known as The Fear Of Missing Out (syndrome).
Don't misunderstand me here; I advocate living as a shameless dreamer. But there's a big difference between imagining a future nostalgia, and inadvertently shunning life and love because you're afraid of what you might miss or what else is out there.
YOU CAN HAVE BOTH, YOU FUCKING GOON.